Mid-way through college I became conscious of how deeply destructive the words I was using towards myself were. As Miguel Ruiz writes in his famous Four Agreements, I was “using the word against myself”. Every day. Most moments.

That’s a lot of negativity coming from inside the house.

This kick started a journey of rewriting my scripts and rebuilding trust and compassion with myself. I now know this to be the foundation for how I show up for everyone else in my life.

We can only meet others at the depths we’re willing to meet ourselves.

In May of 2023, I moved from the Midwest where I’d spent most of my life. This transplantation from all my family and friends began what will forever be known as chapter one in my plot of real adulthood.

Leaving home has continually forced me to face the discomfort of being alone and at times very lonely. Learning to genuinely enjoy an influx of alone time has been a wise teacher and at times painful process.

From this space came a tool to release pent up energy on days I found myself alone and without adequate conversation. It’s as simple as— I open the voice memo app, I speak out whatever is on my heart and mind as if I am sending a voice memo to a friend or ranting to my therapist.

At first this felt very silly, especially in public where I still occasionally fake a phone call if I fear someone nearby is listening, but it has become one of the most important tools in toolbox. These audio diaries are my practice of coming back to myself and talking it out. They bring me back to remembering I’m the main character of my movie.

In the most literal way, self talk is me talking to myself, out loud, every day.

The words keep coming. I’m grateful you’re here.